A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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