do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
