I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
