doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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