I am puke
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
