So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
