i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
