I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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