i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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