I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
