Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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