I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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