maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
