i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
