I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Randomize
