First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
