he wants to bone in the snuggie
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
why is half of my head shaved?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
