Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
