i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
