I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
