Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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