i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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