Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
