you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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