He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
