i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My vagina is officially offended.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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