i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
BRING THE BAGELS
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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