I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize