I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize