Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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