we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sorry about my life...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize