Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
