In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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