She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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