Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
