my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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