If you die in college, do you die in real life?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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