uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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