did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
