meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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