I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
