my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize