We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
