How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
