the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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