It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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