so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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