we have officially lost it.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
