She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
