were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
