Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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