Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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