I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
