get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize