I'm going to jail i love you
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
