at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
