So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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