I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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