Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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