ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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