why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We got so high we made milksteak
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
