He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My dick has a subreddit
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
