How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
