Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Houston, we have a squirter
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
