Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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