I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
