You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
