Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize