I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
