So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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