if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
